Now that you have a good grasp on Doggy Free/ Doggy Safe Zones (Success Stations™️)- see previous blog post for more information- let's approach another topic involving supervision! Babies (and Kids in general) need, almost, constant supervision. Even when asleep they should still be monitored somehow; not to mention watching them sleep can fill you with so much joy and happiness (I remember just watching Harvey sleep as a newborn and wanting to squeeze his little, snoozy, cheeks!). Now, as most parents can attest not all babies sleep soundly all the time, or at all and it's not uncommon for a Toddler to fight a nap or bedtime. Some babies may only sleep well on your chest or in your arms, some may need help from a baby swing, some need pitch black with either no sound or a sound machine, some can only sleep while breast/ bottle feeding, etc.
Figuring this out can be tricky and frustrating especially for tired new parents. This can get even more frustrating when you have a noise reactive dog, a curious dog, or really, just a dog in general. Where does the Dog go when Baby will only sleep in a swing? On your chest on the couch? In the pitch black in their bassinet in your room? Where are YOU during these times? Ideally, your Dog should be kept away from Baby during these moments. If you are able to apply the traditionally outdated advice of "sleep when the Baby sleeps" to your life please understand this: when you are asleep you cannot supervise your Dog and Baby. Period. This is what we are going to talk about and, yes, I will give you my experience as a first time Mom AND offer my professional opinion on what I did and what you can do too.
*Spoiler: it's not easy and mistakes were, definitely, made but I learned A LOT and, hopefully, you will too*
Here's my story...
Prior to Harvey being born I decided I wanted to Co Sleep via Bassinet. I had read it was highly recommended to have Baby in the room with Mom for at least 3 months up to 1 year+. We also had a crib ready so we could make the transition whenever it suited us. When he was born and we came home a few days later we put together his Baby Swing- not recommended to do the DAY you get home from the hospital😅 Learn from us and have this done prior to getting home or ask for help from someone in your support system!- and put our tiny, little, newborn Baby in the seat. He slept so peacefully and, honestly, we just watched him for awhile. Just stared at this little creation we made swinging back and forth.
We had planned to keep the Baby Swing in our living room so we could divide our time between there and the bedroom. His Bassinet was in our room on my side of the bed for easy access as I attempted to Breastfeed. Iain, Harvey, and I all had COVID- Harvey was, thankfully, asymptomatic- for the first 2 weeks of Harvey's life. It was MISERABLE and exhausting on top of new parent exhaustion (on top of Breastfeeding on top of Postpartum Depression). As with, most, all new babies we didn't get much sleep. Emotions were high and we tried everything our tired brains could think of before recruiting our Baby Swing to take over. Now, I am aware it is NOT recommended to have your baby sleep in their swing for long periods when not supervised or at all. We were desperate and found this was the only way, at least for a few days here and there, that Harvey would fall asleep and stay asleep.
Eventually, we made it out of our bedroom after ~3 weeks. *I had to have Gallbladder surgery due to Gallstones 2 weeks after Harvey was born so I spent another 1-2 weeks recovering from that.* The swing was moved back to the living room and we had our separate spaces again. However, this meant while Harvey napped in his swing we would, ultimately, fall asleep on the couch. Where was Ned when all this was happening? Where he always was. We had moved his bed in our room half into the closet (he has BIG orthopedic, memory foam bed.... not because he's spoiled or anything🙃 but to be fair it was originally bought for my old, boy Harley when he got arthritis) and he was otherwise left loose in the house as he usually was. Yes, that's right. He was out and, technically, had access to Harvey as he napped in his swing while we napped on the couch. **We didn't employ the use of Success Stations™️ until MUCH later and will likely utilise these methods with our next kid earlier.**
Now, with the knowledge I have learned I want to share with you that this is considered unsafe. If you are asleep you simply cannot monitor what your Dog is doing. This leaves your Baby vulnerable and if you have a reactive Dog this could pose a danger to your Baby. I am, certainly, not saying this automatically means your Dog will harm your Baby. Ned didn't even show much interest in Harvey for several weeks. This information is to provide you with knowledge so you can decide for yourself what works best for your family. I have met numerous parents through my job who've expressed concern with how interested their Dog is in their Baby. Not necessarily interested in an aggressive way but interested enough that, to a new parent, it is concerning. There is a way to help reduce stress in these situations but it does take planning and preparation.
If you have any concern or don't want to take any risk or chance starting to prepare your Dog early for a new sleeping arrangement is crucial. If your Dog, like Ned, has always slept in your room (or on your bed or has access to your room) it may be time to consider trying something new. Another strong recommendation is to, simply, now allow your Dog to sleep in your room at all when you are co sleeping or bassinet sleeping with your newborn Baby. *Remember: this is temporary. Once Baby is in their own room your Dog can come back to where they used to sleep* Now, keep in mind this is a recommendation and not a requirement. Ned was still allowed in our room while we all slept at night- Harvey in his bassinet and us in the bed- but we did not allow Ned on the bed specifically if Harvey was in the bed with us. We tried not to allow him on the bed at all but, honestly, that was hard. This worked well for our family and our situation. Had Ned been a different dog things may have had to change.
In addition to our sleeping situation we had the next milestone of Tummy Time! As Harvey was learning to navigate his, little, Baby body we had to allow him access to the floor. Our living room had floor pillows (we have a koala and an elephant) as well as Tummy Time mats and Boppy Pillows strewn across the floor. During this time we were still allowing Ned access to the living room. I even have a monthly milestone picture of Harvey with Ned laying next to him as well as few pictures of Ned being involved in Tummy Time with Harvey. As cute as the pictures may be this, technically, wasn't ideal or safe. In some of the pictures you can see Ned is wary and unsure and is doing what he is told to do- "lay down" and "stay". His curiosity isn't wrong or bad but my forcing him to comply with commands despite him being unsure was not the best move on my part.
From here came sitting up at ~4 months (April/May) and crawling by 7 months (July). We were utilising a Baby Saucer more than the swing between May and July and Ned was still allowed around Harvey during living room play time so long as he was in his Saucer. Harvey learned to crawl mid July and by then we had fully transitioned into using Success Stations™️ full time.
I'm going to share a part of my story that still wracks my heart with Mom Guilt. It is my number one reason for advocating for Dog and Baby Safety. In late August of 2022 we were preparing for a family walk. Iain, Harvey, myself, and Ned. I had given Ned a quick treat of Peanut Butter that was left over in the jar. He was in the living room enjoying his snack while Harvey was crawling on the floor. Neither Iain nor I were paying attention. We let our supervision lapse and suddenly there was a growl, a snap, and seconds later, crying. My Dog had snapped at and made contact with my Baby. My worst fear and, truthfully, one I NEVER thought would happen to me. Ned is such a tolerable dog. A GOOD dog. He would never lash out. But he did. Harvey only received minimal tooth scratches vs. actual bites. I am grateful and we are SO lucky that's all it was. This wasn't a "true" bite but it COULD have been. There were no punctures but there COULD have been. My mind raced and I panicked and my own tears flowed. I had failed and my Baby suffered the consequences of my laxity. Ned probably showed warning signs prior to his growl- he probably lifted his lips, had enlarged pupils, tensed his body, ears back, etc- but we missed it. In a split second Ned reacted in a way he only knows how. He is a Dog and did a Dog thing. His behaviour, while undesirable to us as humans and parents, was 100% NORMAL for a Dog. It wasn't Ned's fault. He is still a GOOD Dog. *My BEST boi*
**From that day onward we have been more diligent at following through with separating and limiting the time they spend together and why we will not allow Harvey around dogs we do not know or do not know well. This happened fast and can happen to anyone regardless of how well your Dog is trained. THIS is why supervision is SO SO SO IMPORTANT! I hope my story can provide some insight into this topic and, maybe, provide other parents some relief**
The 5 Types of Supervision
Familypaws.com has an EXCELLENT guide on the 5 Type of Supervision and I'm going to talk about them in detail here. Iain and I have done each one of these in our time as new parents. We've learned and grown and continue to work on providing a harmonious home environment for Ned and Harvey to live side by side.
Absent Supervision: This type of supervision means there is NOT a parent/adult in the room with the Dog and Child either physically or consciously (awake). If you aren't employing the use of Doggy Free/ Doggy Safe Zones (Success Stations™️) and you must leave your Baby/ Child unattended- ie: bathroom break, a quick trip to the kitchen for a snack, change the laundry, etc- OR you fall asleep and the Dog is also allowed, loose, near the Baby/Child this is Absent Supervision. Sleeping is, obviously, a necessity and for new Parents we take what we can get. You must sleep but you must also keep your Baby/ Child and Dog safe. A quick trip out of the room could lead to disaster. If possible, take one or the other with you. Utilise baby carriers or if you are a baby swing family, like we were, take the Dog with you or let the Dog outside- weather permitting. If possible, let the Baby/ Child nap where you can also nap and keep the Dog out- I know, I know, this isn't an easy one. Babies tend to do whatever they want and don't ask permission and try enforcing a nap on a Toddler.. Good luck! For older, mobile, Babies or Toddlers remember they don't understand body language. They can't tell when Dog is anxious. They are just as curious and want to explore but don't know that Dogs need their space too.
Passive Supervision: This type of supervision means there is a parent/adult in the room (awake) with the Dog and Baby but is distracted and not paying attention- watching TV, scrolling through/ talking on the phone, working at a desk or on a laptop, cooking dinner, reading, etc. We all do at least one or multiple examples given. We are human and we need breaks from reality. You may be physically in the room but your attention is not on the Dog and Baby. Your undivided attention is on something else. Try avoiding screen time of your own to sit and play with the Baby/ Toddler. Make sure to sit in between Child and Dog- be the safety barrier. Accidents can happen fast!
Reactive Supervision: This type of supervision means the parent/ adult only responds when the Dog or Child get too close to each other. We all do this: "no, no Harvey.", "Ned, no!", "*GASP* NED!", "*GASP* HARVEY!", etc. When we only react, especially negatively, when they go near each other this can be confusing. Dogs will often associate the tone of our voice, what we say, and our actions with what they are currently doing. If we are constantly telling them "no" when they are around our Child or scolding them or raising our voice/ acting concerned, etc they will only associate the Child to be something negative. Yes, we do want to be careful with Dogs around children but we also want them to be able to live together peacefully. On the same token if we are constantly pulling our Child away from the Dog or acting scared/ concerned this can equally teach Children to become too wary of Dogs. Babies and Toddlers are too young to understand body language but will start to mimic what we do around our Dog as they age. We can start teaching Children at a young age about respecting Dogs' spaces, toys, and food as well as learning to spot the signs to leave a Dog alone. Success Stations™️, redirection, and positive reinforcement will become key tools to practice prior to Baby being born and to continue to practice long term. Overtime we can graduate to Parent Guided time with Dog and Child and allow them more access to each other
Proactive Supervision: This type of supervision, in short, are Doggy Free/ Doggy Safe Zones (Success Stations™️). By planning and preparing safe separation we can ensure BOTH our Baby/ Child and Dog are safe and we have less stress to worry about. Practicing Proactive Supervision prior to Baby being born will help your Dog transition to a new routine and change much easier than trying to work this out while also caring for a Newborn. Work on basic commands and a "cue and target" command as well. Our Dogs look to us for guidance and security. They want AND need us to tell them what to do and to help them understand what is expected. If, every time, we drop the pacifier while holding Baby and Dog comes over to sniff or explore or they come to greet us while we hold the Baby and we scold them they may associate the scoldings with "everytime they hold the Baby I get in trouble". It's not that they "don't like/ hate the Baby" they just associate one thing with the other. We can practice having sit and stay when we enter the house or a room. The "cue and target" allows us to give them their "cue" to go to their "target" when we drop something. They get praise +/- reward for doing a wanted behavior (positive reinforcement). **We want to praise/ reward the wanted behavior and redirect the unwanted behavior.**
Active Supervision: This type of supervision means there is a parent/ adult present, awake, and engaged with Baby/ Child and Dog- Parent Guided Playtime/ Interaction. Success Stations™️ don't always have to be employed while Baby/ Child is awake. It's OK, and encouraged, to allow, safe, interaction between the two. Let your Dog come over, on their own, to sniff Baby. Help your Toddler learn how to pet the Dog gently. Teach your Toddler/ Adolescent how to approach your Dog- ie: if Dog is napping on their bed or eating from their bowl or playing with a toy then leave them be. Play a little Doggy Detective™️ (check out familypaws.com for fun worksheets to do as a family as well as other information on Canine Body Language). The more we, safely, interact with our Dog and Kids the more each will understand what's normal and what to expect. This is all a learning experience for the whole household. Our Kids age and grow and learn just like Dogs but at a slower rate. Unfortunately, for us, Dogs age must faster and can become less tolerable as they grow older. Teaching Kids early how to respect a Dog's space can lead to a happier household in the long run.
We are currently in the stage of allowing Ned and Harvey to navigate the home and yard together with one or both of us present. We still have to be 100% attentive during this time. Ned could easily get cornered in the kitchen with no escape, Harvey could wander near a toy outside that isn't his, Ned could be playing to rough and knock Harvey over, Harvey could fall or drop something that scares Ned, etc. There's a myriad of things that COULD happen and they will happen- thus is life- but if we prepare as best as we can and give both Harvey and Ned the best chance to navigate through this journey then we are doing our job right. Ned has been my Dog for almost 8 years and, while I know him well, I don't know him around a Toddler in daily life. At least, not yet. I have an advantage to knowing him and his cues and triggers and overall body language enough to see when it's time to take a break and I have taught him well enough to listen when needed. We still have things to work on but this is just as much of a new journey to him as it is to Iain, myself, and Harvey. For Harvey, the world is new and big and exciting. He wants to explore and learn. Iain and I have the task to help him through these milestones and part of that is learning to live with Ned.
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